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The King of 80s Metal Requests Your Presence! Watch a band that actually blows Kiss off the stage and have the chance to score some pretty awesome memorabilia donated from the likes of Steve Vai, Dave Mustaine, Yngwie Malmsteen, Rikki Rockett, and Neil Zlozower. The proceeds from the auction all benefit the Sacramento SPCA. It's even being hosted by the super-cool Staci Anderson from KXOA's Chicks Who Rock. AND, the show is at the Roadhouse, which means that there will be liquor flowing and people wearing clothing that wouldn't be allowed anywhere else. So no excuses. Hedonism? CHECK. Rock n roll? CHECK. Cool stuff you can take a chance on owning? CHECK. Guilty conscience? NOPE. Someone else's problem. The money goes to charity, so be there. Or at least make a donation. Current Endorsements: |
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Proof that I am truly beyond help:
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July 31 - Another FJ.com Holiday... But seriously, take a minute to wish a happy birthday to Staci Anderson, host of KXOA's Chicks Who Rock. Thoughts on Def Leppard's new cd, and some other random observations tomorrow. Email : : Message BORED:: Gift Shop July 30 - An FJ.com High Holy Day...  In honor of the release of Def Leppard's X, there will be no formal update today. Please celebrate accordingly, (I recommend a full listen, followed by a review of some of the highlights from previous releases) and don't forget to designate a driver. It should also be noted that I typed this update with only one hand in a Church of Def Leppard, Orthodox ritual. Email : : Message BORED:: Gift Shop July 29 - Moving up... I stole this idea from Metal Sludge. Take a look
at some of the sites I'm beating (and also some of the ones that are kicking the crap out of me: If you run your own website, try it yourself. But if you're hosted by one of those free server sites (Geocities, AOL, Tripod, etc...), most likely your rank will be off. It'll list the rank for the main domain, and not actually the directory your site uses. I know this because an old AOL site (which I never deleted, and hadn't even looked at it about 6 months) of mine ranked #22. I don't think so. Also, the guest chefs on this page all rank in exactly the same place, whereas last month the Happy Hour Chef outdrew the Hempered Chef rather significantly. Email : : Message BORED:: Gift Shop July 28 - Don't expect too much Just put up a new feature. This is a completely original concept, and nowhere in the history of written communication has it been attempted. What I've done is put up a page of ACTUAL EMAILS that I've received from ACTUAL READERS. I call it (put up finger quotes here)"letters". I know, it's pretty revolutionary, but believe it or not, it was very easy to do. I'm digging it - it means the site will be updated with actual content from time to time, and I don't have to work to think about it. I've always loved the days that the chefs send in columns. But I'll do even less work with this. Wow, this site might become just a stupid hobby and not another job in the very near future... There's also an email thread there just to see how long it can go. Right when I thought that I'd never get one of those scam letters from Africa requesting assistance in transferring money here, I got one. But this guy's for REAL. Well, even if he isn't, he's a damn good sport, and very dedicated in securing my assistance. But hey, enough babbling... Go check it out for yourself and see some of the "letters" I've received over the past week or so. Email : : Message BORED:: Gift Shop July 27 - The J-List Aerosmith - O Yeah! Ultimate Collection. Both cds are there, but I've really only listened to the old
stuff. Email : : Message BORED:: Gift Shop July 26 - You might have noticed... Email : : Message BORED:: Gift Shop July 24 - The sky is not falling. I still invest, my portfolio is way down, but I'm not losing any sleep. Trying times don't mean that it's time to stop trying. Coming tomorrow - a plug for a charity event, some more bitching about the news, and a couple of cool links. Email : : Message BORED:: Gift Shop July 23 - Things you should know. The Happy Hour Chef has posted a new recipe. Go check it out. You might want to hurry, because the spirit of crass commercialism surrounding the site might influence a decision to sell printed books of the recipes contained here... Just kidding. As far as you know... Aah, the joys of running an ad-free site that I probably spend all of 20 minutes a day working on... Email : : Message BORED:: Gift Shop July 22 - Selling Out. email : : Message BORED July 21 - Blessing. Curse. Been doing a lot of thinking lately. (Contrary to popular belief.) It seems that I'm quite good at making big news out of absolutely nothing. Case in point - when I first moved here, I didn't have a job lined up. I had spent a while looking, but couldn't find anything. So I actually stood on the street corner of one of the busiest downtown intersections wearing my best suit and tie. (For the record, I was very clean-cut looking then, too) I brought a bunch of resumes, references, recommendation letters, and arranged them into folders. Then I took a piece of wrinkled cardboard and wrote "Will Work For $30k" and passed out my folders on the street. A newspaper reporter took my picture, and it made the AP wire. I didn't know until an uncle in Florida called my mom and asked her about it. Then, when I finally got work, I had to listen to one of my coworkers talk about developing the most ridiculously-segmented events for publicity. He was running African-American literature groups, lesbian poetry night, and all kinds of bizarre new-age philosphical classes. As a joke, I said I was gonna start a group dedicated to listening to Bon Jovi. Sure enough, a year later I was running the 80s Metal Preservation Society, which was plugged everywhere from local newspapers to international fanzines and web newsgroups. So now someone discovers my journal, passes it around, and USA Today found it newsworthy? Try as I might, I don't lead a normal life... And why am I still paying for my own lunches? email : : Message BORED July 20 - Just one thing... email : : Message BORED July 19 - Fifteen minutes and counting. I also want to clear up a few misconceptions, 'cause some of the email I've gotten has been a little on the bizarre side. First off, I don't hate my job, the company I work for, or anyone associated with it. Quite the contrary actually. In spite of a few issues that really don't need mention here, for the most part they've been pretty good to me. I also don't hate the folks who come into my store. While all true, the stories on the Wacky Customer page were written as a cheap form of therapy, for the entertainment of a handful. I'm not out to be the voice of the downtrodden retailers of the world, eager to rise up and strike out against the stupidity of a few people who've made my life difficult for an afternoon, either. I just like to laugh, and share funny stories and warped commentary. I just hope the new folks who really don't know me aside from my witless ramblings here will keep that in mind. I especially hope the visitors from PC's at my corporate headquarters know this as well. There's a reason I don't mention by name the corporation I'm employed with anywhere on this site - any mentions of it elsewhere (several of which were incorrect, by the way) were inferred by the writers there, and certainly not generated by me. Strangely enough, I started this website as a way to keep me off the streets and stay out of trouble. Pretty ironic, huh? email : : Message BORED July 18 - The end is near. Now when I'm attracting lots of traffic, it doesn't bode well for the state of the internet. I apologize for it's inevitable demise, of which I will surely be a contributing factor. To keep it in 80s metal perspective, I am Hericane Alice - just getting on board in time for the whole thing to fall apart. Or you can look at me as a virtual Kingdom Come to the Led Zeppelins that comprise original internet writing. email : : Message BORED July 17 - The best of times, the worst of times... But for every great cd I pick up... There's the Bulletboys. I bought a copy of their "Latest and Greatest" - Burning Cats and Amputees: People With Issues collection. My God, is it ever terrible. I've read other reviews of it, and no one has ever had anything nice to say about it. But personally, I liked the Bulletboys. Marq Torien was a phenomenal vocalist and a dynamite frontman. The operative word being "WAS". His voice is shot. The production sucks. It really does sound like a tribute band doing shitty covers. I can honestly say that I've never heard a worse album. I sincerely hope this was an attempt by the record label to pay back the notoriously prickish Marq Torien for some horrible misdeed. I can't imagine any record executive thinking that this cd was a good idea. Furthermore, I can't even imagine the band sanctioning it's release. Don't even steal this one. It's not even worthy of being recycled. If you own it, DO NOT sell it to a used cd store. Just bury it. Deeply. Preferably in the rear orifice of whoever decided to release it in the first place. Ever dreamed of trashing a hotel room? Snorting every drug in the room? Saying "dude" a lot? Or nailing Pamela Anderson and having a "stolen" video of it leaked onto the internet? Well, then the Rock Star Fantasy Camp is for you. Cough up $5000 and you too could enjoy these (and many more) benefits. I'd go just to hear the campfire stories. email : : Message BORED July 16 - Priorities So how did I approach this dilemna? How does a brilliant financial mind handle the responsibility of navigating through tricky and uncertain waters, in preparation for his golden years? Bought some more cds. Updated My Music Collection. See if you can spot any of the new ones. Now I've got $9250, which means that at least $150 of my next set of contributions to that account will actually materialize before losses evaporate everything else. Eat your heart out, Warren Buffett. I always preferred JIMMY Buffett anyways... Thank goodness for portfolio diversity... I just hope that the "mayonnaise jar fund" will one day cease to be my safest, highest-returning investment. Sluggish economies suck. Might have some newsworthy items to report tomorrow. After pitching several stalker-related fits to everyone who would listen, I've been deluged with offers to help. On the one hand, it's really cool to see the wheels of justice finally grinding a little. It's even cooler to notice that they're NOT poised to roll directly over me (at press time). But it's reinforced a very negative lesson: if you want help - whine, bitch, and be ready to carry out on threats made while angry. I suppose a little bit of anger on my part directed towards the slow response of people whose help I needed was justifiable. But I'd hate to think that the best way to solve a problem and get influential assistance is to act like a spoiled crybaby. Oh well. At least it looks like the situation (at least at work) is over. Permanent home solutions are still pending. Off to listen to one of the many new cds I just bought... email : : Message BORED July 14 - Back to business. Got another Northern California band that needs a plug... Go check out Anatomic's website. Some of you might remember a band called Shy Tiger. Anatomic is 3 of the guys from Shy Tiger with a new bassist, and a less glammy image. Song-wise, they sound like a commercial mix between Poison and old Crue. But the musicianship is on a higher level. If you like good commercial metal, you'll dig 'em. Trust me. Besides, any band that has the guts to sing a song called "Drink Until She's Cute" deserves a link from me. email : : Message BORED July 12 - Friends in low places...
Who's "Grey"? That would actually be GRAY. As in GRAY DAVIS, Governor of California. His mom and my mom play golf together in Florida on occasion. Already, I find that brutally ironic and funny. After all, for the most part I'm actually a fairly conservative Republican despite my appearance. But then the mental picture of my mom lobbying the mother of the governor of California on my behalf is friggin' hilarious. And THEN, the thought that someone on his staff might even be willing to provide *me* some assistance is absolutely inconceivable. Also included was this gem:
When she starts talking like that, I have to wonder who else might be on that golf course... email : : Message BORED July 11 - MORE Breaking news! Breaking news! Here's the weird part - there was no (apparent) damage. The ceiling light was broken, but nothing else was. Not the steering column, not the outside locks, not the windows... I didn't really examine it too closely, but to my untrained eye the car looked fine. The only things I immediately recognized missing were an old suede jacket, a CASE for carrying tapes, and my nametag from work. It was pretty thrashed. The cds and tapes - there. My store keys - there. My portable cd player - there. To me, it looks more like either kids out joyriding, or a deliberate attempt at something personal. It doesn't look like it was a robbery or an attempt to profit. It's 115 out. Why would anyone want to take a winter suede jacket? Why was my nametag ripped apart while my keys and some other items attached to it were left alone? Very strange. But provided nothing was done to the engine (which I didn't inspect), at least I'll get my car back in a few days once the insurance folks do their thing. I wasn't looking forward to making a rush decision about a new car at all. I couldn't make this up if I tried!
I wonder if the county ever holds sales on restraining orders... Maybe if I buy one, I can get another for half price... Got some site news, too! In addition to updates to the Dear Famous and the My Wacky Customers pages, the Hempered Chef has posted a new column. He even sent in a picture, so go check it out. There will also be a new column coming soon. The Prince of 80's Metal, FULCH, has graciously volunteered to write reviews of very old, out of print, obscure metal cds. We used to work together back when I lived in FL, and believe me, our conversations scared a lot of people. There aren't many folks who can actually have meaningful conversations about bands like Roxx Gang, TigerTailz, Blonz, Wild Boyz, Sanctuary, Fifth Angel, the Slammin' Watusis, and Riot. We would debate the merits of Ron Keel vs. Ronnie Lee Keel, which Savatage album is the best, and exactly when Dream Theater progressed from an interesting and diverse mix to one huge sausage fest that isn't worth the time. Should be kind of cool for hardcore metal connoisseurs, and for folks who just want to realize that they'll never be as sick as Fulch or I. Should I ever get on Beat The Geeks, Fulch is the only one I'd ever fear a challenge from. He'll also hang out on the message board, so do your worst and try to stump him. email : : Message BORED July 10 - Still missing. The updates I promised yesterday will be delayed a day. I hope you all understand. But if you don't, I could care less. email : : Message BORED July 9 (breaking news - 9:30am) - Missing... presumed dead. I'm still far too pissed off to write anything else right now. By any means necessary... And I know you're reading this, you 48-year old menopausal nutcase. Do not enter my store. Do not visit my home. Do not dial my number. Failure to adhere to the preceding will be perceived as a threat, and I will defend myself. Don't push me. I'm not afraid of you, and I've got nothing to lose - I don't need that job enough to have to put with your nonsense. So go ahead and call my boss. I don't care anymore. In site news... Just got a new column from the Hempered Chef, that'll go up tomorrow. Also coming soon: ANOTHER Wacky Customer update, and ANOTHER Dear Famous letter. And as always, more fawning over women who won't give me the time of day, and probably some complaining. What a rush. email : : Message BORED July 8 - On this day... If you're uncomfortable sending a birthday email to a stranger who happens to be my brother, then maybe you'll feel better about sending one to a stranger who happens to be a pretty darn hot woman instead. (She's smart and really nice, too, so all of you easily offended types can look elsewhere for sexist conspiracy). Send best wishes to Jill and let her know you care.
email : : Message BORED July 7 - This is getting old. My tax dollars at work. So, instead of going for my nightly jog (I even bought a new portable cd player yesterday - what lousy timing) and taking a walk around the park, I stayed in with the blinds pulled, the windows shut, the doors locked, and the phone off the hook. But so the night wouldn't be a waste for YOU, too, I updated Dear Famous. And yes, people really do send questions in. I'm just extremely lazy about answering them and posting it. Also updated My Wacky Customers. Also did a little screwing around with Photoshop. Don't tell Gene Simmons I did this. He doesn't need any more non-Kiss ideas. And Julia Roberts? Well, it won't be long before the Enquirer is reporting her affair with me anyways...   Oh yeah, I switched the logo back to the main one. There's a remote chance that the host of Beat The Geeks could view the site. Turns out a friend's wife works across the street from him, and casually knows him. I asked her to just give him the site address, and let fate handle the rest. The whole point of my life is to show off my formerly-useless 80s metal trivia knowledge, so Blain, if you're reading, get in touch. Bring on the contestants. I want action. I'll rock 'em like hurricanes. I'll knock 'em dead kid. I'll show no mercy. But most of all, I'll have nothing but a good time. If any of the rest of you have any interest in seeing the logo that was up for the three days after the Pledge of Allegiance controversy, click here. email : : Message BORED July 6 - Back In Business Also bought some more server space, so bandwidth problems won't be an issue for the foreseeable future. Go ahead and make me your home page again, hit reload all day long, and do whatever it is that you all did last month, or the month before, etc. All I know is that I panicked on July 2 when I saw some of the June stats, and saw my first case of 100+ new visitors in a day. I was never meant to attract lots of people here, but I don't want to sound ungrateful for the ones that do check in on occasion. Well, there's one I could do without, but that's another story... email : : Message BORED July 5 - Sometimes you feel like a jerk... I also figured that this would be the best way to alienate large numbers of people, because I exceeded my bandwidth allocation last month and need to lose a few readers. I can either (a) piss them off or (b) be really boring. I'm good at both, so I choose "all of the above". Added some new search queries that brought people here. That's the best part of having a text-heavy website. Lots of demented people find me by accident. I just feel bad for the ones who are looking for recipes for a relative's wake and inadvertently land on the Hempered Chef's page. email : : Message BORED July 4 - INDEPENDENCE DAY For some strange reason, people have been asking me how I feel about the whole Pledge of Allegiance thing that stemmed from right here in Northern California. I've no idea why people would want to know how I feel about it. But for the sake of filling a boring night at home watching tv with a boring night on the computer instead... I guess I look at it in two ways... First, I am a Christian. As much trouble as I occasionally like to get into, I do hold pretty strong beliefs and really believe that there is a God whose will I try to serve. Even though the Constitution is supposed to legally separate the church and state, this country is predominantly Christian and was founded on such beliefs and social mores. Besides, the Constitution guarantees freedom OF religion, NOT freedom FROM it. The separation was meant to protect believers from the government interfering with how they should worship, and NOT to keep religion out of the government itself. But I also can see how including the words "under God" in what's supposed to be a federally-sponsored statement could be interpreted as a violation the separation of church and state, and that using the word "God" and not "god" implies a belief in the Judeo-Christian concept of God, and subverts polytheists. But my official opinion... Aren't there potholes that need fixing? Or budget shortfalls to cover? Isn't there a war on terrorism? Aren't there attacks to prevent? I can imagine the headlines in the newspapers of those countries that already think we are the source of all the world's evil due to our lack of righteousness in accordance with their beliefs. "Americans Make Public Mention Of God Illegal". Yeah, thanks San Francisco. Legally accurate or not, you've made us all look pretty foolish because a handful of folks seem to enjoy looking for conspiracy and issues to complain about. We should really have bigger fish to fry than the Pledge of Allegiance these days. Let's get back to it in a few years when the other issues have either been solved or ruined beyond repair. One other point to think about... "Atheism" is a religious belief. How can the religious belief of a handful be seen as more valid than the majority's, necessitating it's accomodation over that of the majority? Especially when the argument is premised upon the very notion (acknowledging a God interferes with my freedom of religion and violates the separation of church and state) it seeks to correct? Seems like a flaw in logic to me. I don't have an easy answer... Just a lot of time to think about it and my own website. I don't particularly want to dwell on this, so feel free to post your own opinions on the message board. Just remember that I probably won't respond much to 'em. Translation - don't tell me how wrong you think I am. I don't really care. Even though I'm a Christian, I'm still apathetic about arguing the merits of God in every aspect of my life. Let the tv preachers and the religion haters make asses out of themselves... I've got better things to do. As far as you know... In other news... Be proud to be an American. Turn off the computer and go watch some fireworks or something. I'll have some graphics later to break up all of this monotonous rambling. Lucky you. email : : Message BORED July 3 - What do you wanna do with your life? During one of those pauses for emotion (you know, the part where you look out to the approving crowd to bask in their cheers), I glanced out the patio window. Across the parking lot I noticed my neighbors looking up at me. Half of me was a little embarassed, the other half wanted to scream, "HELLLLLOOOOOO SAAAAACRAMEEEENTOOOO!!!" Maybe in the year 2002 "Rokken Like Dokken" isn't such a good thing... Oh yeah, my computer died twice while I was trying to post this update. So forget about me trying to create any new graphics for another day or two. The heat wave will have broken by then... email : : Message BORED July 2 - Back home again Updated the In Concert page with Sedona pics. There was a time when they were poised to be the next big thing out of Northern California, but for some strange reason, it didn't happen. I heartily endorse them, so go check out the pics and then go visit their website. The sound? It's actually kinda hard to describe. Though I've never really discussed it with any of them, I'm pretty sure they grew up as metalheads. But I wouldn't really consider them a metal band. If you dug 80s commercial metal then, enjoy the odd Creed song and liked Soundgarden songs other than "Black Hole Sun", and listen to modern rock now, you'll like Sedona. Plus, being the true guitar nerd that I am, I should mention that Mark Holley is friggin' incredible. Add in vocal harmonies and... Oh, hell. Just trust me - go check 'em out. In other news, another Aerosmith greatest hits collection comes out today. I swear they've been taking lessons from Kiss. Release a collection, wait 6 months, then release it again with a new song on it. If I weren't such a damn completist with regards to my favorite bands, I'd have given up years ago. Other cd's picked up recently - Odin's (anyone remember them?) "By The Gods", Cold Sweat's "Break Out", and the self-titled Keel album that's been out of print for almost 15 years now. Also, just to be a complete 80s metal trivia jerk, I decided to try to link all of the bands on this summer's Poison tour to each other. (Faster Pussycat, Cinderella, Winger, and Poison) Remember that "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game? A handful of movie geeks thought was pretty cool a few years ago. Well, since I'm far more geeky than any movie nerd, check this out:
ALL HAIL THE KING! email : : Message BORED |
This is a screen shot of my email inbox the day my home(page) was invaded. There were about
a hundred more the next day. But believe it or not, I actually replied to every one of them. Figured it was the least I could do. 
Go get this cd. Do not read any further until you own it. It is absolutely brilliant.
It's 
Few things are more frustrating than investments. Especially lately. I just got a statement from one of my financial
service providers yesterday. I've got $9400 in one of my accounts. Sounds good, but it seems like I've had about $9400
in that account for years. I contribute regularly to it, and my contributions (allegedly) go to buy more shares of mutual funds.
But it doesn't seem to matter. My contributions are offset perfectly by the decline in share price and portfolio value, which
leaves me with $9400. Figuratively speaking, in my efforts to collect more water, I've traded a big bucket for a bunch of shot glasses.
But it's not raining.
The police recovered my car. It was found abandoned less than 2 miles from my apartment. The insurance company wouldn't let
me take back possession of it pending one of their claims adjusters examining it and certifying it driveable, but they did
allow me to examine it in advance of their arrival and remove personal belongings. Honestly, I wasn't expecting there to be any -
the only things I had left inside (somewhat hidden) were some jackets, a cd player, some cash in the glovebox, and about a million tapes - all things that
would likely be pretty easy to pawn. 
You people are never gonna believe this, but I swear it's true. My stalker has been MIA for a few days. I spent the
last 48 hours doing a dance of joy and shouting "THE CURSE IS BROKEN!". (well, in between CURSING about
my car...) Then some OTHER girl just walked up to me and handed me a note. Verbatim, it read: 
In other news, it's supposed to get to 108 by Wednesday. I'd better get the blender ready for
frozen margaritas...