Hi. I'm James. I run this virtual shack. For some reason, you've chosen to visit it. This should cause much concern on your part. But if it'll make you feel any better, I'll go ahead and give you a brief run-down of how things work around here. Essentially, I sit around and comment on how stupid the rest of the world is. Then I fawn over girls who won't give me the time of day. When neither situation is appropriate, I pass along dumb links and cool stuff I randomly find around the web. I update often, so check back as much as you'd like.

But first...

Now, on with the idiocy!

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Ask A Stupid Question

Get A Stupid Answer

Why do you write this stuff?

The same reason you're reading it - boredom.

Why don't you get a life?

You think I'm the one without a life? The only thing more pathetic than living it, writing it, and sharing it is READING about it.

What's the deal with the Happy Hour Chef and the Hempered Chef? Are you really a stoner/drunk?

Actually, not at all. I drink very little, and refrain from all drug use. I was joking with the man who would become the Hempered Chef about giving him a column when I built my first website on AOL. I posted what he wrote, and it was well-received. Then the man who would become the Happy Hour Chef decided that he should write one, too. Since then, every so often, one of them will decide to write a new one. I post it. That's it.

How can I get in touch with them?

Visit their pages and email them, dumbass! Also, the Happy Hour Chef has been known to hang out on the message board on occasion.

Why don't you link my page?

You have to WRITE one for me to link it... I'm not just gonna link all of your favorite places.

Where did you learn how to do that?

I started out reading HTML for Dummies. Then I figured out that actually learning HTML (or any programming language) IS for dummies, and realized that it's much easier to cut and paste other people's code. Then I caught some shit for doing it, so I went back and dusted off the old books. Of course, when I finally understood enough to write my own codes, they were obsolete...hence the decidedly third-grade appearance of everything.

Can I tell you all about my personal life and include all kinds of sickening detail?

Y'know, when I first got online a lot of people did this, and it used to annoy the crap out of me that people would reveal so much. Now I think it's absolutely hysterical. I'll make you a deal - you continue to send me your problems, and I'll continue to laugh at you, post your email in Dear Famous, and let the rest of the world share in your stupidity.

How come you didn't respond to my Instant Message?

I hate IM's. Strangers, unless you're a stunningly gorgeous woman who also happens to be financially set for life, and are willing to spend it all on me, please don't IM me unless I already know you and you actually have something to say. I'm tired of getting IM's that look like this:

SomeIdiot: WASSSUPPPPP
Famusjames: Nothing much - busy.
SomeIdiot: DuDE I'm SO BORED...

You're so funny!

Looks aren't everything...

Are you ever gonna just go nuts and start blowing people away?

That depends - where do you live?