Vice President:

Ozzy Osbourne. If for no other reason that to hear him say "Go fucking crazy for tax cuts!"

Secretaries Of Agriculture:

Russ Dwarf and Pat Badger. Following careers with Killer Dwarfs and Extreme, both of these men are now successful farmers. Russ is a goat farmer in Canada, and Pat is an alpaca farmer in Massachusetts.

Secretary of The Interior:

Axl Rose. This guy hasn't been seen in public for about 15 years, so I figure there's no one more qualified or knowledgable about the "interior" than Axl.

Secretary of Commerce & Treasury:

Gene Simmons. This is a no-brainer. I also think Gene could fill two departments. First, as the Secretary of Commerce, he could market "USA Farewell" merchandise to countries that aren't really too fond of the American way. He could also sell passes to meet him and the other secretaries, and use his position as Secretary of Treasury to lie about how many passes were sold, thwarting knowledge of inflation to all but a select few.

Department of Justice:

Jason Newsted. Why? His first appearance on a Metallica cd was "...And Justice For All". Plus, he got royally screwed over during his years in that band. I'm thinking there are fewer metal dudes who know more about justice than Jason.

Secretary of Defense/Dept of Homeland Security:

Ted Fucking Nugent. And if you disagree and put somebody else in this position, you deserve whatever horrible atrocities occur. Ted would kick the ass of anyone who dared screw with us, and I'm sure that even the most devout holy warrior would think twice before trying to blow up any planes over Michigan.

Secretary of Labor:

Vinnie Vincent. After being fired from every group he's ever worked with, and filing suit against former employers like it's a commandment, Vinnie probably knows a thing or two about labor law. Plus, he could probably use the work these days...

Secretary of Education:

Dee Snider. He stood up the PMRC and was one of the few rock stars to actually have experience giving testimony before Congress. Plus, how could Dee possibly do any worse than any public education administration over the past 20 years?

Secretary of State:

Bruce Kulick. Colin Powell was respected and competent. Then he became a puppet of his boss, and was left to carry blame for the shortcomings of orders from his superiors. Bruce is a hell of a guitar player. But the blame for Kiss' commercial and popular decline in the 80s is seemingly always attributed to him. Another good match.

Secretary of Energy:

C.C. DeVille. Have you ever met this guy? Have you ever seen him play? Next...

Secretary of Transportation:

Vince Neil. Well, maybe we should reappoint him to the Office of National Drug Control Policy or call him "Secretary of Designating A Driver" just in case...

Secretary of Health & Human Services:

Bobby Rock. This guy is friggin' huge. Americans might actually pass that Presidential Physical Fitness test from elementary school if Bobby ran a national program. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that soda/junk food machines on school campuses would be eliminated. Bobby's a health food guru.

Department of Veteran's Affairs:

Bret Michaels. Not only has he made patriotic, rousing endorsements of the US military in concerts of late, but he's also allegedly quite familiar with military hair standards...

Environmental Protection Agency:

Rikki Rockett. As a former hairstylist, he's probably learned a lot about the need to protect the ozone layer. Plus, as a dedicated vegan and animal rights activist, Rikki's diet is much more environmentally friendly. He could set a good example.